But before I get into that, let me tell you how this whole thing started out...
I had to be at the Hancock airport in Syracuse at 9 in the morning, so naturally I stayed up till 2 in the morning and woke up at 6. When I got there, it was pretty relaxed. Literally NO ONE was in the airport. I felt like I was in some Zombie movie and my mother and I were the only survivors. Just when I thought there was no hope for the human race, Casey Maloney comes prancing through the airport. Turns out, she had to catch the red-eye flight back from California. #Random. So we chit-chatted it up for a few moments. We said our good-byes and then I went back to sitting with my mom in the most boring airport of all-time.
FINALLY....our plane arrived and we were off to Detroit (I know, it's the complete opposite way of Germany)
The flight goes fine. It only took like two hours at the most.
Get into the HUGE Detroit airport. The gate we landed in is on the complete other side of where we need to be to catch our next flight. So Big-E and I start our march towards Germany. Some chick told us that our gate number is 66 (I know guys, so close) and we're gonna have to go under some tunnel to get there. Now when I think of a tunnel, I think of a dark, creepy and scary area that I have to be worried about finding Freddy Krueger in. Not this one. This freaking tunnel was lit up with ridiculous-ass colors. Like bright colors. It was like a Ke$ha concert, Katy Perry concert and an acid trip that Jim Morrison would of had all mixed into one. So after walking almost two miles, we get to our gate. I bust out my laptop and I'm finally going to be able to update my status and Twitter.
Wrong.
In the Detroit airport, apparently, I have to pay $5 to use the internet for a half an hour.
What the hell is up with that?
So instead, I just go to Borders and buy a book (Yes, I do know how to read. Kinda). I bought Chris Jericho's new book called "Undisputed." Fantastic book. I'm about half-way through it and I highly recommend it.
But anyway, our flight is about to board. So Ellen and I line up. We're finally ready to fly to Germany. While I'm standing in line, though, I start to get a weird feeling. The feeling of someone is watching me. Sure enough, someone is. Actually, a few people are. The airport security thought I was suspicious-enough and they told me that they had to check my bags. I was the only one they called over. Now I know I'm a pretty weird guy, but let me lay this one down on ya. There was this one dude who literally looked like he hasn't seen the sun since Vietnam. This guy had long grayish hair and an even longer beard. He had a small track bag as his luggage and was wearing camouflaged shorts with a wife beater. So naturally they chose me.
Whatever.
So we get on the plane. I have Ellen sitting on one side of me and some weird kid with his mother sitting on the other side. A Butterbean look-a-like was sitting in the aisle next to us (If you don't know who Butterbean is, look him up and picture my mom sitting next to him. You'll laugh). I didn't think the flight would be that bad. We had our own personal televisions and I had my new book, so I was all set. I turn the TV on and all I had to chose between was Big Momma's House 3 or some indy crap movies. I could watch sitcoms too. The only one that sparked my interest was NCIS (Terrible show. L & O SVU blows it out of the water) I had to deal with that for 7 and a half hours.
7 and a half hours.
I look around and see if there is ANYONE cool on this plane. I found some old guy sittin' next to his wife, rocking an AMERICAN flag hat. That guy rocked.
Somehow I survived the flight and when we were about to land, I looked at the TV next to me and saw what the weirdo mom, who was sleeping on me at this point, was watching. She was watching some Nazi-based indy film. Awesome. All I saw were a bunch of Nazis marching down the street and doing their salute. We're flying into Germany and you're watching some Nazi flick? She clearly has her shit together.
We get out of the plane and I step foot into the airport. Now, to put this into perspective. There were at least 200 hundred passengers on the plane. The hallway that we had to walk through to get to baggage claim was seriously the width of a regular closet door.
How in the blue hell were you supposed to get that many people through one little doorway-like hallway? It wasn't going to happen. It was terrible. We were moving soooo slow.
We finally get out of the airport and I was on my way to the house that we're staying at. I'm looking around and Germany is ridiculous. The buildings are so small and narrow (kinda like that hallway) and the roads are even worse. The roads are all twisty-turny like and the Germans don't give a damn on how fast they go. It was scary as hell. I almost saw two busses get into a head on collision. #funfact.
Another thing that is ridiculous is the fact that there are so many Smartcars over here. From the airport to the house, I counted 10 Smartcars. You know what I didn't count any of?
Chevrolets.
Travesty.
I did find it awkward, though, that Taylor Swift was blaring from people's cars over here. I don't know. Everyone loves her.
So this is where I leave you. I'm jet-lagged like a son-of-a-bitch and there are probably a ton of errors in this blog. You know what? I don't care. I've been up for atleast 24 hours straight, I've gone through 4 or 5 different time zones, I was treated as though I was a suspicious character and then I had to protect my mother from some Butterbean look-a-like.
I'm a little tired.
Know your role and shut your mouth. I'm sleeping for now.
So goodnight....or goodmorning?
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